Posts Tagged ‘dating coach’
What an honor and joy is to be acknowledged by our clients and industry colleagues. Many thanks to Marc Lesnick, Mark Brooks and to all of the dating executives and individuals who supported us with their votes.
Personal matchmaking is an art that continues to evolve with our rapidly changing culture. We’re delighted to witness eLove’s perpetual growth and expansion — creating and developing innovative solutions for love-seekers nationally and beyond.
The challenge for today’s single men and women? Our culture has never been more complex — seniors re-entering the dating scene, single millionaire women perplexed as to how to find a suitable and satisfying romantic partner, aspiring husbands and hopeful future fathers engaged in the highly competitive chase for the young, gorgeous, fertile female… oh my…it’s tough out there.
The good news? The Matchmakers Conference at iDate2012 in Miami revealed plenty of it… There’s never been a better time for single love seekers, as we’re seeing consistent innovation from these industry leaders who spend every day enabling relationships for our subscribers, members, and clients. Highlights from this year’s Matchmaker Conference:
Chance Barnett illuminated for us how to create and build relationship with the individuals we’re touching digitally, turning eyeballs into friends, subscribers, members, customers and clients through personal, open-hearted messaging. David Wygant and Marni Battista showed us what it’s REALLY like to be a dating coach, and we were thrilled to see the Best Dating Coach award graciously accepted by Evan Marc Katz.
New and aspiring boutique / niche matchmakers were inspired by Michelle Jacoby and Laurie Berzack, who make the business of matchmaking look almost…easy.
Singles events, networking events, building community — This art was demonstrated beautifully by Renee Piane, who inspired us to keep throwing parties, or to partner with those who do this well.
Dr. Tranquility, Lydia Belton showed us how to capture media attention and Jim Loser with Universal Guardian UGA offered up financing solutions for our clients.
The Matchmakers Conference at iDate will continue to be the one place where matchmakers from around the world convene to inspire and educate each other. It is through these kinds of conferences that the dating and matchmaking industry literally evolves and grows. To those who attended, it was great to see you.
We are lining up speakers for idate2013 — if you’d like to be considered, email Julie@CupidsCoach.com
Every now and then a holiday season rolls around and yet life seems to have dumped a pile of ho-hums on the old doorstep. Someone you love is sick, your BFF is mad at you, a relationship recently fell apart, someone let you down – life has thrown you off balance and you’re feeling hollow, sad, anxious, or just plain BLAH.
Even the most cheerful, upbeat, positive people have Bah Humbug moments. What to do? Here’s what this matchmaker and dating coach suggests…
First thing? Just acknowledge it. Go ahead, say it out loud. “I’m having a Bah Humbug Moment! I’m supposed to be all festive, happy and cheery and instead I feel more like crawling under a rock and hiding until springtime.” Congrats – you just woke up to what’s real for you. Great. You’re half way through.
Next thing – do something physical, outdoors preferably (a vigorous walk works for me) to get your blood flowing, and make it your mission to notice something beautiful, lovely, fresh, and new while on your mind-clearing adventure.
Then, return to the safest, warmest, most inspiring place in your home where you tend to experience your ahhhhhh moments. For me it’s the swing in my yard, a sunny spot just out of range of ringing phones and doorbells. Bring a pen (a nice one that actually works) and your journal (a legal pad will do) and make your list. The list of things you’re currently grateful to have in your life. Keep writing, keep adding to this list until you experience a shift, an energetic shift.
Now — pick someone in your life to love on, someone to reach out to with a card, a gift, a phone call, or plan an unexpected visit. The best way I know to get rid of the blaaaaahs is to get into Active Loving Mode, by practicing the art of unconditional and selfless love.
At the moment I’m stuck with a yukky cold, my eldest son moved out of the house (boo hoo) and my work load is daunting. I guess I have a bit of the Bah Humbugs too. So I’m gonna walk my talk. Back in a few…
OK, it’s an hour later. Biscuit and I walked the neighborhood, my gratitude list is two journal pages long (I used my favorite fancy pen), and I picked the person I want to love on. It’s my Mama. I called her just to check in and spread some love and I told her that I’m booking my flights to come see her for her birthday in February and I’m bringing her grandson. It totally made her day. And you know what? I feel lots better.
Now? It’s your turn. Email me to let me know how YOU transformed your Holiday Blues / Bah Humbug Moment. I’ll be interested to hear what worked for you.
This morning’s post-date feedback from our Cupid’s Coach personal matchmaking clients is revealing some fun first date and second date ideas. Some of our matchmaking clients are really being creative, thinking outside the coffee shop for their dating adventures. Here’s what some of our Cupid’s Coach Clients have been up to.
Katherine and Josh are both devoted, enthusiastic dog owners and I love what they did for their second date. They met at a dog park, mid way between their homes and they each brought drinks and edibles to share. The date stretched into the evening, at a sweet little outdoor cafe, the dogs tied up at their feet. Reportedly the dogs are having a love affair too and have been invited on Date Number Three, same dog park, next week after work.
Mara is on a special diet and she didn’t want to appear overly fussy or high maintenance on her date with Jake. They both enjoy adventurous dining and we had them meet up at a Mongolian Barbeque spot, where she could easily and without any fuss at all carefully choose the exact ingredients she wanted, without having to be “a pain” to the waiter or the chef in the kitchen. It was a fun, casual, relaxed first date and it went off without a hitch.
Liz had a corporate event to attend and she needed to bring a plus-one. She’s been dating plenty, but….there’s no one who’s really surfaced as a romantic interest, so she invited a guy named Rob whom she’d met a couple of months back through our agency, Cupid’s Coach. She had just one date with him and thought he was “nice enough” but, no real sparks. But he’s social and fun to be with and she had a feeling he’d “show well” at the event, where her boss and co-workers would be in attendance. Interestingly, this morning’s post date evaluation revealed that there IS some romantic potential for the two of them. She and Rob had a really fun time together — relaxed, no-pressure (maybe because they had already determined that they would just be “friends”…) and whatdyaknow, romance sparks were indeed flying for the two of them and they’ll be getting together for a hike next weekend.
And my favorite Cupid’s Coach date this weekend was in a plane — Matt is a pilot and he flew Monica to San Diego for lunch and a visit to the San Diego zoo yesterday for their third date. Gotta love it.
Make all of your dates an adventure. Meet on a picnic bench overlooking the water, head to the bowling alley, the street fair, the ferris wheel, the art walk, or a poetry reading.
As my mascot and cherished mother-in-law, Feisty Frieda Ferman says, only boring people are ever bored. Let that never be you…on a date…
Send in your favorite date ideas — we love to read them!
Julie Ferman
Q: Julie, how can we make dating less expensive?
A: First date ideas for those who like to hang on to their cash:
As a matchmaker overseeing the love lives of thousands of single love seekers, I hear plenty of grumbling about $14 glasses of wine, $85 lunch bills, and all of those little and not so little expenses that are…the costs of courtship…More so now than ever with our current economic challenges. So, what are simple, yet highly effective things you can do when you’re ready to meet, greet, date, make a good impression and have fun?
Here are some stellar notes I received from my clients about their creative and inexpensive dates that were awesome.
Catherine’s a busy CPA and single mom, whose only opening for a first date with Brian was Sunday morning, squeezed in between her puppy training class and her son’s soccer game. The meeting spot? Sharky’s Fresh Mexican grill – a super casual fast food restaurant, classed up by mesquite, stone fired ovens, organic fare and a lovely outdoor patio area.
Brian couldn’t have handled things better for this quickie date, which was not at all expensive, and came across as anything but cheap.
In confirming plans with Catherine by phone, sensing that her day would be hectic, he suggested this casual but pretty outdoor spot, and (smart boy) discovered in advance that Catherine loves Fresh Mex salads. Catherine arrived right on time, delighted to find Brian seated at a sweet little table by the fountain. On the table already? A couple of different salads, tortilla chips, guacamole, lemonade and …get this…at his feet…a bowl of water for her puppy.
Glowing post-date reviews from both of them. They’re meeting up this coming Sunday…same time…same place…same pup….and they’ll have fun fighting over the bill, which will be all of about … eighteen bucks.
The moral of the story? Creativity, flexibility and thoughtfulness stretch a lot farther than the almighty dollar in making that all important first impression on a date.
With much love, Julie Ferman, Cupid’s Coach Stay Connected: http://www.facebook.com/CupidsCoach http://cupidscoach.wordpress.com/ http://www.twitter.com/CupidsCoach Meet us by video: http://tinyurl.com/y9tlhr3 Julie Ferman, Cupid’s Coach Awarded “Best Matchmaker” by iDate & OPW, 2010
Is my MATCH living in another state? Maybe! These are fascinating, and very exciting times for personal matchmakers. Why? Because for matchmakers the world is shrinking every single day. Five years ago our Cupid’s Coach personal matchmaking clients were primarily all Los Angelinos, but these days I’ve had my traveling shoes on. Cupid’s Coach has two fabulous new clients in Utah, both successful and beautiful female business owners, and earlier this month we gathered recruiters and affiliates in San Diego to expedite our search for several clients there. I just returned from Vancouver B.C. where I met with a phenomenal new client who will be meeting stellar gentlemen in her favorite cities throughout Canada and the U.S. Oh, and our Wyoming client — He’s so scrumptious. We’re conducting a nationwide search to find his sweetie (If you’re an adorable 35-45 year old woman who’d love to be introduced to a real cowboy in the grand state of Wyoming, then by all means, get registered with us at we can refer you to him as a candidate. 
http://www.CupidsCoach.com. These past few weeks we’ve arranged first dates for our clients in Cincinnati, Orange County, La Quinta, Chicago, San Francisco, New York and Seattle. We’ve orchestrated magical dates for clients in London, Hawaii, Singapore, Toronto, and there’s one in the works at the moment for Sydney. Like I said, for professional matchmakers, the world is shrinking. The largest folder housed in my computer is my Affiliates Folder. Translated to non matchmaker terminology, that means Competitors. Yet I’m pleased to report that we don’t have any! – All of the other matchmakers and dating coaches whom I’ve been gathering and schmoozing for the past 20 years (the good ones mind you) these are my colleagues, not my competitors. We synergistic and help each other all the time. Because we’re all on the same mission, which is finding for our client the perfect match. Take my good friend and colleague Patti Stanger, founder of The Millionaires Club; Patti and I have been working side by side for ten years referring clients back and forth. Female clients are a rarity for Patti, whereas at Cupid’s Coach, serving women is our specialty. How is it all the matchmakers come together? That would be at the Matchmakers Conference coming up this October. I have had the privilege and honor of co-producing and emcee’ing the conference which is in its fourth year. It’s the one place on the planet where dating coaches and personal matchmakers gather to discuss and literally evolve the business and the art of matchmaking. If you’re in the dating or matchmaking industry or would like to be? Join us: http://www.matchmakersconference.com/conference/introduction/index.php So just in case you wonder if the ideal match for you might not be in your immediate stomping grounds, not to worry…we matchmakers have the world pretty well covered… Over 1000 marriages and many more success stories Cupid’s Coach – We would love to create your next experience. Sign up for our Newsletter /BLOGS
“Uhm, JULIE, are those dating shows on Reality TV real or fake?” “Is that cute guy Guile you’re setting up on “The Match Off” really single and available?”
It was amazing to me how many people inquired about my current upcoming TV appearance on “The Match Off”. “Are these men and women we’re seeing on reality TV actors, are they faking it all for the screen? Or are they The Real Deal?”
The Cupid’s Coach Team had so much fun filming our segment of NBC’S “The Match Off”. My hubby, Gil and I have done hundreds of dating and matchmaking related film and TV shoots for the nearly 20 years 
we’ve been in the luv biz, and our experience with NBC was fantastic. Five days of filming for a 30-minute show ought to give you an idea of the extensive work that goes into the production of a reality TV show. Not to mention the hours of office work, behind the scenes to find the talent.
Well, I can’t speak for all of the reality shows in production at the moment, but I can tell you the honest to goodness truth about how we did the casting for our segment of The Match Off. It was no easy feat.
When working with a TV show, we never have the lead time we want, so it’s always a mad scramble to pull together a great date for the single love seeker who’s being featured. Typically I have six months to a year to work with a particular matchmaking client, incorporating tons of dating coaching, ongoing feedback, recruiting activities, and a series of introductions — all enabling me to continually refine and tweak our strategy for the client. But when making magic happen for TV, matchmaking needs to be done much more quickly.
To lasso a great match for Guile? We had two days. Yowza! Fortunately, with over 17,000 single love seekers privately registered with Cupid’s Coach, we have a big advantage, and isolating a group of 100 or so young cuties, all adorable and in their 20’s wasn’t really a struggle. But finding one whom we felt he would be attracted to and interested in? Who might just go for him too? And then the real trick — finding one who fit all of our criteria AND who was willing to bring her love life into focus on national TV. Whoa baby, that’s when the potential candidate list takes a real hit. 9 out of 10 say “No way!”
Being the dating and coaching experts that we are, we braced ourselves and really focused on those we felt would fit the Guile bill. Many fell off our radar because of schedule conflicts, bunches of them lacked the “wow” factor when we met with them in person, and we just didn’t think bachelor Guile would “go” for them. Are you beginning to see why casting for these shows might just be a full time job? But we did it. We found a gorgeous, fun, athletic girl named Veronica. You’ll see her tonight on NBC’s “The Match Off”, 7:30 p.m. in LA, and then again after “Saturday Night Live” at 1 a.m. We loved the whole experience.
Over 1000 marriages and many more success stories
Cupid’s Coach – We would love to create your next experience.
Kendra’s MOM dating again?
Fabulous! Is it OK for my mom/dad to start dating again? We have received a flood of calls and emails after our Kendra episode aired from sons and daughters around the country asking if we could please help them get their single and scared parents out there dating and engaging in a relationship. So I thought I’d blog on the topic because I truly feel that dating doesn’t have an age limit. 
Now we can’t force our single moms and dads to date, but we can help them plenty by giving them some tools and insights. Our parent’s aren’t used to ONLINE DATING, now are they? Is Online Dating OK for seniors to do? Sure, especially if there’s a tech savvy son or daughter to help with the dating site sign-up process, writing those juicy essays, and navigating the website. Help Mom or Pop out by whipping out your digital camera on that next family gathering to get some really flattering face and body shots (solo shots, not group shots) and load them on the site. If finances are flowing well, check into the local matchmaking companies in your city to see who caters well to the boomer and senior demographic. Just be sure to check the company’s rating with the Better Business Bureau to make sure it’s a reputable firm that’s been in business for a while, and maybe even offer to join in on the interview at the agency so you can help make the decision about hiring the agency. We specialize in creating successful relationship at Cupids Coach. It’s my job every day to make sure that our clients are in a secure environment and feel good about getting back into the dating world. Sometimes our parents just need a little nudge and to feel safe and that’s what we love to do. If you can tell that Mom or Dad is lonely and isn’t engaged in life, see what kind of social networking or singles gatherings exist in your community, and if there aren’t any, you can even start a Meet-Up Group of your own. That oughtta keep ‘em busy! Or for some fantastic singles party ideas, that are GREAT for the grown-up set, email me here and we’ll send you the party plans. Julie@CupidsCoach.com Love is even sweeter when it happens for mature men and women. One of my favorite clients of all time just got married in December. He’s well into his eighties! They’re like kids all over again. So, to answer your question “is it OK for my mom/dad to start dating again?” The answer is “absolutely, positively, YES”, it’s wonderful, especially if you are a part of making that happen. Sign up today and let’s talk about how to create that for your parents, loved ones or for you. www.cupidscoach.com With much love, Julie Ferman, Cupid’s Coach Stay Connected: http://www.facebook.com/CupidsCoach http://cupidscoach.wordpress.com/ http://www.twitter.com/CupidsCoach Meet us by video: http://tinyurl.com/y9tlhr3 Julie Ferman, Cupid’s Coach Awarded “Best Matchmaker” by iDate & OPW, 2010
Cupids Coach Julie Ferman advice for the week
My client, Marcy is concerned that the man she’s scheduled to meet this week is passionate about skiing, and typically heads to the mountains several times a year for quick getaways. She’d much rather escape to Cabo or Maui. She is very confused as she likes everything else about him. So she called me this morning and asked if she should cancel her date with him on Wednesday night.
Q: Julie, he’s a Skier, I’m a total beach girl. Wow, are we compatible?
Here’s what this personal matchmaker had to say about the issue:
A: “Marcy, don’t be too concerned that Russell has an activity passion that you don’t share. Not all of his travel excursions are ski trips. He just showed me photos from his recent excursion to Thailand and Singapore. You have a lot more in common that you might think; you both love exploring foreign cultures and getting off the beaten path when you travel. Absolutely go on this date. Surely you’ll discover activities that you can enjoy doing together on a typical weekend in LA or while away on vacation. Many adventures await.”
Let’s share, shall we!
I shared a cute example with Marcy that helped her put this issue in perspective. One of the couples we introduced through Cupid’s Coach had a similar situation – he’s a competitive water skier and she’s not a “boat person” and even gets sea sick on the boat dock. They’ve worked around it really well and enjoy being together most every weekend, often at the lake where he keeps his boat. She loves to cook and entertain, and she’s also a quilter. Surely a passion he doesn’t share. While he’s on the water, typically all day on Saturdays, she’s got something yummy cooking in the kitchen, listening to her favorite classical music (which he finds yawn worthy…) and she gets to work on her quilts, thoroughly enjoying the peace and quiet that his beautiful lake house provides for her. They love their romantic dinners there together and often entertain old and new friends on the deck overlooking the water at sunset. She commented to me in their holiday card this past year how surprised she was to have fallen in love with a boating enthusiast!!
I love to hear these creative solutions to what some might see as a barrier or a problem. We’re in a new age folks, wake up and smell the salt water. It’s time to keep thinking outside the box, look for ways to work around potential challenges. Remember, relationships are full of obstacles and opportunities to stretch, grow, adapt, and innovate. Practice these skills during every aspect of dating, especially early on in the initial courting phase.
My husband Gil is Venice all day today at a paddle tennis tournament, thank God, because I am enjoying my new puppy Biscuit who is nibbling at my feet, a fragrant candle is burning to my right, birdies are chirping outside, and a gorgeous breeze is floating in from the patio. I LOVE spending my morningsin this delicious way, all by myself with all one and a half million of you.
Later this afternoon I’ll head to my office to meet with clients and then I’ll enjoy the blessing that my Bikram Yoga practice is. By the way, Gil would rather have bamboo shoots up his nails than practice yoga. This evening, he and I will have a sweet evening walk and dinner together, as usual. I’m not sure we’d have survived twenty years of marriage if we were together ALL the time… 
I happen to love skiing, and yet have been unable to get away from my work to join him on the mountain trips these past few years. He takes our son Kevin with him and they love this time they spend alone together. There will be other ski trips for the two of us in the future. And maybe, just maybe I’ll get Gil to visit my family in Missouri again. And he just might be willing to give up a tennis tournament for a horseback trip with me one of these weekends. Marriage is full of opportunities to compromise.
What about you? How have you worked around activity interest conflicts?
I’d love to hear how you might have creatively dealt with this issue.
With much love,
Julie Ferman, Cupid’s Coach
Stay Connected:
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Julie Ferman, Cupid’s Coach Awarded “Best Matchmaker” by iDate & OPW, 2010
OK folks, it’s time for me to address my least favorite word. CHEAP. I don’t even like to use the word “hate” but…I’ve gotta tell ya, I have reached a point where I do really hate the word CHEAP. It puts the person who’s using the word in a really poor light, in an ugly light…and I think ugly behavior is far worse…
Cheap is a term that I find rarely used by men. In my world as a professional matchmaker and dating coach, I often see women dismissing a man far too quickly if she senses that he’s frugal – if he is in her estimation “tight” with money. What’s frugal? Anyone who’s not jazzed to spend money the way she wants him to.
Classic example: Upon leaving the restaurant on Date Number Two with John, a successful business consultant, Claudia was miffed that he didn’t offer to spring for her valet parking. She’s concluded that he is “cheap” and wrote to me this morning saying she’s decided not to see him again.
What? Now, I happen to know that this past week John has treated this woman, Claudia to a lovely lunch at the Bel Air Hotel and he picked up a hefty dinner bill last night in Brentwood, driving across town to meet in her on both occasions. Claudia is divorced, no kids, her earnings as a CPA are comparable to his, and she receives a sizable alimony check each month from her ex. What Claudia likely doesn’t know is that John’s covering the bill for two kids in college, he’s funding his mom’s nursing care, he pays alimony to his ex, and his salary has been cut during the economic downturn. John’s a guy who is sincerely seeking long-term relationship, and whereas plenty of single men these days limit their exposure by suggesting coffee dates, John regularly opts for lunch or dinner dates with the women who intrigue him, and he never grumbles about picking up the restaurant tab.
He didn’t pounce on her valet parking ticket? She should have grabbed his ticket and graciously welcomed the opportunity to share in the expense of their date. She should be looking for an opportunity to spring for theatre tickets or to bring a gorgeous picnic lunch to the beach for their next date.
You want generosity ladies? Demonstrate it. Bring him a sweet little gift, offer to put the wear and tear on your car vs. his, invite him over for a beautifully prepared meal or use your precious points for the airline tickets or the hotels on your first vacation together.
Jacqueline complained because Bruce ordered the least expensive bottle of wine on the menu. Jennifer was irritated that Brian suggested drinks and appetizers at the bar vs. a full out meal. Amanda quickly dismissed Stuart because he had commented about the price of entrees on the menu (she had suggested they dine at Maestros – he’d never been there, and didn’t realize he had signed up for a $200 dining adventure.) Suzanne was turned off because Glen used a 2 for 1 entrée coupon.
Ladies, this behavior is gross…I say, single women who are dating should either happily offer to spring for the bill on occasion, or they should casually offer cash or throw in a credit card to share the expense, or they should just zip their lip and express sincere appreciation for the investment that her suitor is making in getting to know her. Even if it’s a lousy cup of coffee at a deli.
Gil and I have been married for 20 years, and he is admittedly one of the “tighter” dudes on the planet. If it weren’t for Gil’s insistence that we be cautious (annoyingly cautious sometimes, I’ll confess) about our spending habits, we would surely have lost our house in the financial crisis, as so many other families have. As it is, we’re doing just fine, we have learned to share expenses in partnership, and we’re building our future together. We actually have fun looking for money stretching opportunities. Is clipping coupons sexy? Well, sure – if you consider mutual support and sharing to be sexy, and I do.
Here’s what I’ve learned works really well. Just plan on the likelihood that you and the man you’re dating will have differences in how you deal with money. An expenditure that seems reasonable or important to you might be a frivolity or an indulgence to him. How to get around it? Make deals about who pays for what, be flexible, practice generosity, and above all…resist the temptation to “peg” a man as being cheap if his spending habits and preferences are different than yours
My sister’s coming into town for a visit next month. Having the carpets and the windows cleaned — I just know this is really low on Gil’s list of things to fund. And it’s important to me, so I’ll take care of it. No fanfare, no arguments, just something I’ll quietly cover, because it’s important to me.
My Client Travis is a very successful real estate investor who lives in a lovely home in Malibu. He likes his creature comforts, drives a serious sports car, always dresses well – he’s the picture of Mr. Desirable, and he’s especially sensitive to the Gold Digger factor. He shared with me his red flag – if he’s five or six dates into a new relationship with a woman he’s dating and she’s never demonstrated an inkling of generosity herself, well…he’s outta there. The woman he’s dating now handled things just right. She’s invited him to her country club for a round of golf and dinner afterwards, she treated him to the Hollywood Bowl – he knows she’s seeing him for him, not for the goodies he can provide for her.
Take the word CHEAP and discard it from your vocabulary. The millionaire next door might have gotten there by holding onto his cash…