Next matchmakers gathering? January 23, 2013 in Vegas — email me if you’d like to attend or if you’d like to be considered as a presenter.

This past conference was on a Royal Carribean cruise to the Bahamas and it was fantastic. Produced by Michelle Jacoby (DC Matchmaking) and Maria Avgitides (Agape Match), the converence was a delightful combination of fun, social networking and play time and concentrated, focused presentations. Rich, deep content all related to the business and the art of personal matchmaking.

What are the trends in personal matchmaking?

Synergy, cooperation, collaboration — Personal matchmakers large and small are turning toward each other, working creatively together to find ideal matches for the clients they’re working for proactively. It’s smart and it’s effective.

Example: One of my stellar gentlemen clients who’s based in Southern CA is headed to NYC on business later this month and at this very moment I have two NYC matchmakers searching their databases for fitting candidates. Why would they do this for me? Because I’m happy to share my Clients and my Resource Members with them in just the same kind of mutual back-scratch kind of way when they’re going the extra mile for their clients.

Size matters…when it comes to building a dating community. Especially when we’re searching for a client whose requirements are really, really specific — it’s lovely when we find that needle in another matchmaker’s haystack, and it happens all the time.

The secret? If you’re single and would love to be found by matchmakers locally, nationally and abroad, get yourself registered privately so you can be FOUND. Start here: http://www.CupidsCoach.com and we’re happy to help you position yourself where you can be found by one matchmaker….and by lots of matchmakers….

And for dating coaches and personal matchmakers who are established or brand new, even those of you who might be considering launching a matchmaking company of your own? We’d love to see you there. Our arms are wide open to both single love-seekers and to existing and aspiring matchmakers worldwide.

Cupid's Coach

My oh my, lots of varying advice on this topic. Here’s an example of when our female client, Linda DID text her date, Rob afterward and here’s what happened…

We had received a very positive post date evaluation from Rob about Linda — he found her to be really warm and engaging, friendly, attractive, bright and impressive — he also mentioned that he didn’t sense that “electricity” that he’s hoping to find in his romantic partner. When I asked him if he was open to having a second date…he hesitated and said, “I’m thinking about it, I’m not sure yet.”

Linda really enjoyed her first date with Rob. Things went well, they talked for two hours over wine, shared an appetizer and lots of laughter together. She couldn’t quite tell if “the romance vibe” was there for her or for him either, and she wasn’t sure just what to do. Her mama had impressed upon her the importance of always saying Thank You, so she took a chance and sent him a sweet, positive text message the next day saying “Rob, thanks so much for last night — loved the stories and the laughter. Call or text anytime. Best. Linda”

And here’s what happened. Rob had checked in with us to let us know that he had a great time and that he was kinda on the fence about a second date. I learned from him a week later that they DID in fact have a second date and a third one was in the works. Matchmakers LOVE to see second and third dates, so naturally I was excited.

I asked Rob what pushed him to the courtship side of the fence and he said, “She’s just so sweet, nice, easy going, warm — she had texted me the day after our first date to say Thanks and we just started a fun text message dialogue which lead to some flirtation and another date…and now another. There’s something special about her — she’s really fun, relaxed, playful. I’m enjoying getting to know her and I’m glad I didn’t miss the chance to see her again.”

In the ongoing debate — should she call or text him after the first date — in this case it was a good idea.

Share your examples with us too. When did reaching out to a guy work out for you? When didn’t it? Guys? What do you think?

Cupid's Coach

There’s never been a better time to be single and dating.  Truly.  Why?  Because as professional matchmakers, we have tools, resources, and networking capabilities like never before to enable us to find needles in haystacks for even the most challenging-to-match clients, especially those who are searching in a specific niche.

How do we find the candidates for our VIP clients to meet?  Well…right here, for instance, as good news travels fast – good news like the Free Registration option for both men and women at http://www.CupidsCoach.com.   Here’s how it works.  We ask the question, “Who do you know?” and the word gets out.  For example…

We have a stellar new gentleman client who’s looking for one special woman – she needs to be Russian and Jewish and ready for marriage and family.  Know someone who qualifies?  I thought you might! Send her here to register privately with me, for free, no matter where she lives on the planet:  http://www.CupidsCoach.com so we can find her when we’re searching for him.  He’s thoroughly scrumptious…

We have two new female clients who are interested in meeting, dating and partnering with a Muslim gentleman.  Do you know a really great single Muslim man?  I thought so.  You’ll pass this along to him, we’ll reach out to him with an invitation, we’ll screen and qualify him, and then we can create the introduction.

One of my all-time favorite clients lives in Shanghai and Florida – my guess is that somewhere in your little black book is a stellar single gentleman who has “the hots” for Asian women.  Yes?  I thought so.  You’ll pass this on to him, he’ll register with us, we’ll do the legwork, and then we’ll make the introduction.

We have clients who are interested in meeting African American men, for some we are targeting Latin women, and for another we’re searching for single Jewish Women. We have single Christian women looking for single Christian men.  We have Single Dads looking for Single Moms.  We have tall women looking for tall men, we have men who like super skinny women and we have men who love chubby women.  Thank goodness there’s a lid for every pot, right?

We want to send out a Thank You to all of you who have helped us build this award winning matchmaking community at http://www.CupidsCoach.com .  With over 21,000 in our date-a-base we are celebrating the rich diversity that you all have helped us create.  Thanks for sharing your friends, colleagues, and family members with us, so we can help them get connected.

Cupid's Coach

To attract the most fitting, viable candidates for the possibility of relationship, your dating profile should reveal only what’s TRUE. No fibbing…

Which means you should reveal who you are professionally, making clear the nature of the work you do every day. However, keep in mind that with a dating profile, you’re not interviewing for a professional position, rather…a personal one…

Especially if you’re a successful, accomplished woman who wants to be with a man who is in a strong position financially and professionally — it’s really important to take into consideration that he doesn’t “need” his female partner to be a competitive powerhouse type — in fact many of these Alpha Men will make a point to avoid dating Alpha Females completely, as they really just want to find someone who’s complimentary, who fits nicely into his life. He’s looking for a soft place to land at the end of a hard day.

So, yes, if you’re a CEO or an attorney, or a physician say so in your profile, but keep in mind that he might be more enthused about meeting you if you let him know how much you love tennis or skiing, or playing with your niece, or hosting the Fourth of July Barbeque for family — a masculine man is typically attracted to and craves being with a feminine woman, who can provide for him things he can’t or just doesn’t provide for himself.

In writing your online dating profile, highlight the elements of your personality and character that will be complimentary to the type of man you’re looking to attract.

In other words, don’t out-man-your-man in the way you describe yourself in your dating profile, or that man might just…run the other way…

Cupid's Coach

Your Matchmaker’s Advice? Love and Romance – it’s an attitude, a frame of mind we want to nurture, feed, stroke, and energize.

Every day. In bits and pieces.

The mission for the busy, professional single mom is to keep your love life alive, developing, growing — every day.

What, you ask? Without a man to love on? Without a man to love on me? Doesn’t love and romance require two people, simultaneously engaged in the process of loving each other? Yes, sometimes. We love it when love and romance happen just that way.

And also….let’s remember that love and romance happen through the human experience. Moment by moment, when we choose to have a loving moment or a romantic moment. These moments can happen anytime, anyplace, and even all by ourselves.

In fact, love and romance starts right there. Within. Moment by moment as part of our human experience.

Exercise your love and romance muscles, with our without a partner.

Allow for yourself, insist on providing for yourself those delicious sensual moments that spark and kindle the feminine spirit.

A quick 30-second intermission (in the middle of an email you’re writing) to tune into the sweet sounds of the birds outside. A 30-second intermission to notice and savor those tender, soft, bright green baby buds on the trees outside the window. No window nearby? Bring a tiny vase with a gorgeous blooming flower (or TWO flowers…symbolozing the relationship that’s in your future…)

Men are naturally, instinctively drawn to women who are in touch with their sensuous femininity. Here’s the trick — While you’re being a good mom, while you’re being a devoted professional on the job, throughout your day sprinkle in these 30-second ahhhhh moments, which will bring you an instant lightness of spirit, that twinkle in the eye, the inner glow that radiates from deep within and that automatically generates a natural smile to your face — the warm glow, that soft, sweet, knowing smile that men find so tantalizing, so captivating and so alluring.

In other words, taking 30 seconds to smell the roses brings you instant joy, enables your romantic spirit, and serves as that magnetic pull drawing men (suitors) into your realm.

Date Therapy is a mind body protocol that helps you get in tune with your true criteria for your ideal mate. So you fill out those questionnaires correctly, giving truthful as opposed to thinking that because we enjoy the idea of visiting museum’s is something that we should put down as an activity that we like to do. Especially when we haven’t been for a year! Also who we are truly looking for.

This protocol helps you have the relationship in which you will feel safe in, confident in yourself and where you will truly live in your bliss.

As we get older, we become more and more clear about the qualities, characteristics, and attributes that we find appealing and…well…which things are turn-offs, even deal-breakers for us. Careful to avoid the trap — being so judgmental and critical, so picky and fussy that no one can pass the test. How to stay out of that trap? Here’s what to do.

Make a list of all of the qualities and characteristics that you’d love to see in your future partner. It’s OK if it’s a long, long list. Then the tough part….identify what are you Top Three Critical Criteria. Those who meet these top three critical criteria… do whatever you can to get on dates number 1, 2, and 3 with these people…

And it’s also a good idea to make a list of all of your pet peeves — qualities and characteristics that you definitely DON’T want in your future partner. Again, it’s OK if it’s a long list, but then do the same challenging exercise — choose your top three — your Top Three Deal Breakers. If the person you’re considering has one of these big no-no’s for you, then well….it’s OK to pass.

Deal breakers are personal, specific to each person’s love search. In order to get through the maze that dating is, it’s a really good idea to get clear about what your Deal Breakers are. Here’s a sampling of what’s on some of our clients’ deal-breaker lists: Cigarette smoking, pot smoking, alcohol/drinking habits. For some, having young kids at home is a deal-breaker. For others, someone who’s not been married before would be a red flag (or a big PLUS!). Religion is often a deal breaker (some will only date a Christian or Jew, some won’t consider dating someone who’s Christian or Jewish). Body type and degree of physical fitness is a biggie for some, and for others what matters more is political or financial.

So…go ahead…make your lists…long lists of elements you really want and those you really don’t want in your future partner. And choose your top three for both lists. You’ll find it’s an eye-opening experience to do this exercise, and it’ll save you from being too accommodating or being so fussy/picky that no one could make the cut.

Personal matchmaking is an art that continues to evolve with our rapidly changing culture. We’re delighted to witness eLove’s perpetual growth and expansion — creating and developing innovative solutions for love-seekers nationally and beyond.

The challenge for today’s single men and women? Our culture has never been more complex — seniors re-entering the dating scene, single millionaire women perplexed as to how to find a suitable and satisfying romantic partner, aspiring husbands and hopeful future fathers engaged in the highly competitive chase for the young, gorgeous, fertile female… oh my…it’s tough out there.

The good news? The Matchmakers Conference at iDate2012 in Miami revealed plenty of it… There’s never been a better time for single love seekers, as we’re seeing consistent innovation from these industry leaders who spend every day enabling relationships for our subscribers, members, and clients. Highlights from this year’s Matchmaker Conference:

Chance Barnett illuminated for us how to create and build relationship with the individuals we’re touching digitally, turning eyeballs into friends, subscribers, members, customers and clients through personal, open-hearted messaging. David Wygant and Marni Battista showed us what it’s REALLY like to be a dating coach, and we were thrilled to see the Best Dating Coach award graciously accepted by Evan Marc Katz.

New and aspiring boutique / niche matchmakers were inspired by Michelle Jacoby and Laurie Berzack, who make the business of matchmaking look almost…easy.

Singles events, networking events, building community — This art was demonstrated beautifully by Renee Piane, who inspired us to keep throwing parties, or to partner with those who do this well.

Dr. Tranquility, Lydia Belton showed us how to capture media attention and Jim Loser with Universal Guardian UGA offered up financing solutions for our clients.

The Matchmakers Conference at iDate will continue to be the one place where matchmakers from around the world convene to inspire and educate each other. It is through these kinds of conferences that the dating and matchmaking industry literally evolves and grows. To those who attended, it was great to see you.

We are lining up speakers for idate2013 — if you’d like to be considered, email Julie@CupidsCoach.com

Even the most cheerful, upbeat, positive people have Bah Humbug moments. What to do?  Here’s what this matchmaker and dating coach suggests…

First thing? Just acknowledge it. Go ahead, say it out loud. “I’m having a Bah Humbug Moment! I’m supposed to be all festive, happy and cheery and instead I feel more like crawling under a rock and hiding until springtime.” Congrats – you just woke up to what’s real for you. Great. You’re half way through. 

Next thing – do something physical, outdoors preferably (a vigorous walk works for me) to get your blood flowing, and make it your mission to notice something beautiful, lovely, fresh, and new while on your mind-clearing adventure.

Then, return to the safest, warmest, most inspiring place in your home where you tend to experience your ahhhhhh moments. For me it’s the swing in my yard, a sunny spot just out of range of ringing phones and doorbells. Bring a pen (a nice one that actually works) and your journal (a legal pad will do) and make your list. The list of things you’re currently grateful to have in your life. Keep writing, keep adding to this list until you experience a shift, an energetic shift.

Now — pick someone in your life to love on, someone to reach out to with a card, a gift, a phone call, or plan an unexpected visit. The best way I know to get rid of the blaaaaahs is to get into Active Loving Mode, by practicing the art of unconditional and selfless love.
At the moment I’m stuck with a yukky cold, my eldest son moved out of the house (boo hoo) and my work load is daunting. I guess I have a bit of the Bah Humbugs too. So I’m gonna walk my talk. Back in a few…

OK, it’s an hour later. Biscuit and I walked the neighborhood, my gratitude list is two journal pages long (I used my favorite fancy pen), and I picked the person I want to love on. It’s my Mama. I called her just to check in and spread some love and I told her that I’m booking my flights to come see her for her birthday in February and I’m bringing her grandson. It totally made her day. And you know what? I feel lots better.

Now? It’s your turn. Email me to let me know how YOU transformed your Holiday Blues / Bah Humbug Moment. I’ll be interested to hear what worked for you.