Archive for the ‘Cupid's Coach’ Category
What an honor and joy is to be acknowledged by our clients and industry colleagues. Many thanks to Marc Lesnick, Mark Brooks and to all of the dating executives and individuals who supported us with their votes.
Personal matchmaking is an art that continues to evolve with our rapidly changing culture. We’re delighted to witness eLove’s perpetual growth and expansion — creating and developing innovative solutions for love-seekers nationally and beyond.
The challenge for today’s single men and women? Our culture has never been more complex — seniors re-entering the dating scene, single millionaire women perplexed as to how to find a suitable and satisfying romantic partner, aspiring husbands and hopeful future fathers engaged in the highly competitive chase for the young, gorgeous, fertile female… oh my…it’s tough out there.
The good news? The Matchmakers Conference at iDate2012 in Miami revealed plenty of it… There’s never been a better time for single love seekers, as we’re seeing consistent innovation from these industry leaders who spend every day enabling relationships for our subscribers, members, and clients. Highlights from this year’s Matchmaker Conference:
Chance Barnett illuminated for us how to create and build relationship with the individuals we’re touching digitally, turning eyeballs into friends, subscribers, members, customers and clients through personal, open-hearted messaging. David Wygant and Marni Battista showed us what it’s REALLY like to be a dating coach, and we were thrilled to see the Best Dating Coach award graciously accepted by Evan Marc Katz.
New and aspiring boutique / niche matchmakers were inspired by Michelle Jacoby and Laurie Berzack, who make the business of matchmaking look almost…easy.
Singles events, networking events, building community — This art was demonstrated beautifully by Renee Piane, who inspired us to keep throwing parties, or to partner with those who do this well.
Dr. Tranquility, Lydia Belton showed us how to capture media attention and Jim Loser with Universal Guardian UGA offered up financing solutions for our clients.
The Matchmakers Conference at iDate will continue to be the one place where matchmakers from around the world convene to inspire and educate each other. It is through these kinds of conferences that the dating and matchmaking industry literally evolves and grows. To those who attended, it was great to see you.
We are lining up speakers for idate2013 — if you’d like to be considered, email Julie@CupidsCoach.com
Every now and then a holiday season rolls around and yet life seems to have dumped a pile of ho-hums on the old doorstep. Someone you love is sick, your BFF is mad at you, a relationship recently fell apart, someone let you down – life has thrown you off balance and you’re feeling hollow, sad, anxious, or just plain BLAH.
Even the most cheerful, upbeat, positive people have Bah Humbug moments. What to do? Here’s what this matchmaker and dating coach suggests…
First thing? Just acknowledge it. Go ahead, say it out loud. “I’m having a Bah Humbug Moment! I’m supposed to be all festive, happy and cheery and instead I feel more like crawling under a rock and hiding until springtime.” Congrats – you just woke up to what’s real for you. Great. You’re half way through.
Next thing – do something physical, outdoors preferably (a vigorous walk works for me) to get your blood flowing, and make it your mission to notice something beautiful, lovely, fresh, and new while on your mind-clearing adventure.
Then, return to the safest, warmest, most inspiring place in your home where you tend to experience your ahhhhhh moments. For me it’s the swing in my yard, a sunny spot just out of range of ringing phones and doorbells. Bring a pen (a nice one that actually works) and your journal (a legal pad will do) and make your list. The list of things you’re currently grateful to have in your life. Keep writing, keep adding to this list until you experience a shift, an energetic shift.
Now — pick someone in your life to love on, someone to reach out to with a card, a gift, a phone call, or plan an unexpected visit. The best way I know to get rid of the blaaaaahs is to get into Active Loving Mode, by practicing the art of unconditional and selfless love.
At the moment I’m stuck with a yukky cold, my eldest son moved out of the house (boo hoo) and my work load is daunting. I guess I have a bit of the Bah Humbugs too. So I’m gonna walk my talk. Back in a few…
OK, it’s an hour later. Biscuit and I walked the neighborhood, my gratitude list is two journal pages long (I used my favorite fancy pen), and I picked the person I want to love on. It’s my Mama. I called her just to check in and spread some love and I told her that I’m booking my flights to come see her for her birthday in February and I’m bringing her grandson. It totally made her day. And you know what? I feel lots better.
Now? It’s your turn. Email me to let me know how YOU transformed your Holiday Blues / Bah Humbug Moment. I’ll be interested to hear what worked for you.
Are our “communication devices” helping single love seekers connect? Or are they getting in our way?
Well….the answer is….Both. Tips here on how to use ‘em or lose ‘em in dating.
Lots of comments in my email box this weekend about how these handy and helpful devices are actually keeping men and women from communicating and connecting with each other. Puzzling, isn’t it? Examples…..
Candice got bent out of shape because Jonathan texted her when she would have preferred to hear his voice. She thinks texting is lame and rude….
Sam was really jazzed to meet Caroline and called her to ask her out for dinner and instead of reaching her or a recording of her sweet, welcoming voice he got the “voice mail has not been set up” roadblock.
Traffic was keeping Mark from being his typically punctual self for Friday’s first date with Jennifer. Wisely, he had her cell number with him, but when he called it to let her know he’d be late the call went to voice mail (the darn Crackberry didn’t ring for some reason) and she sat there at the cafe for 30 minutes….stewing….getting more anxious by the moment. She didn’t think to check her messages.
I sent Gloria out on a flirting expedition on Saturday morning to practice smiling and holding eye contact with the adorable men in her neighborhood and she was defeated by the competition — all the cute boys’ eyes were locked in on their iphones and she couldn’t catch attention from….anyone.
Catherine was thoroughly excited about her second date with Mike and it was beautifully orchestrated — the perfect al fresco dining experience overlooking the yachts in Marina Del Rey. She won’t get a third date. Wanna know why? She had her iphone on the table all evening and every time it buzzed she couldn’t resist; she had to check it. It buzzed…a lot… The impression Mike took away? She’s not really interested in him. Her email box is more important to her than finding a meaningful relationship with a man — a man who is right there with her, courting her, ready and eager to connect with her. She missed her chance to develop relationship with this man, who is…was….a really fitting and motivated suitor. Does this make your friendly neighborhood matchmaker a little bit sad? Yeah….it really does.
The worst part is, folks, she IS interested in him and she’s just fallen into the trap that our communication devices have become for us.
Tips for how to keep your cell phone from ruining your love life:
Turn it off. Completely. When you are on a date, turn the darned thing off altogether. Got kids? Got work challenges? Me too. Check in with those pesky interruptors just before your date (or any important appointment) to make sure they’re OK and let them know you’ll be out of touch for an hour or so. Create these healthy boundaries with the special people in your life. 98% of these oh-so-teasing calls, texts, and emails are not in any way urgent. Let them go…..deal with them later….. Give your date the present of your presence. Works like magic. I promise.
Learn how to use your phone. Ask any teenager to help you figure out how to set up you voice mail, check messages, retrieve your messages, send and receive texts….if we’re going to have one of these “magical” devices we have a responsibility (to ourselves and to the lovely people in our lives) to learn how to use it.
Is your NAME in your voice mail greeting? Is it your voice speaking? It should be. Otherwise how will Jack know he’s left his message with the right Jill? Have you listened to your own voice mail greeting lately? Do you sound cold or annoyed? I surely hope not!
Most importantly, cut each other some slack. Accept the reality that each of us has our preferred methods of giving and receiving communication. Practice being flexible and understanding with each other. Let people know what works for you. Do you like text messages? Do you need to hear a real live voice? If the buzzing cell phone on the dinner table is bugging you, can you find a way to communicate what you need and want, instead of just getting grumpy about it?
Carol did it this way — After she lost Bruce’s attention to his iphone several times during the first 10 minutes of their date, she playfully swatted it (like a fly) and he responded instantly by turning the silly thing off. Smart move, Bruce! The rest of the date went really well and Bruce and Carol will be meeting again for dinner…tonight…at her place. YAY! Humanity wins over machinery. I love it.
Got tips to share about how we can keep our cell phones from running and ruining our lives? Send them on to me. Julie@CupidsCoach.com
How Mark Met His Match
One of my all time favorite clients is finally and so happily…madly in love. Here’s how it happened for Mark…
Mark’s this thoroughly scrumptious 51 year old Adonis – tall, super handsome, a successful award-winning screenwriter, great dad, lovely home, fit, active, a big time brainiac, hysterically funny – and what makes him a REAL Ten vs. a Wanna-Be-Ten is the fact that he’s in great shape emotionally, sincerely seeking a deeply loving partnership. He’s basically the IT GUY – the type of man pretty much all of my female clients want to meet and really want to keep.
Mark has been a dream client for me here at Cupid’s Coach – Responsive, communicative, always a complete gentleman, a total prince. He has treated each woman he’s met through our agency with respect, kindness, compassion, sincerity, and honesty. And each woman I introduced to him wanted to see him again…and again…His post-date evaluations were glowing with compliments. He’s had plenty of second dates, but rarely a third date. Something was just not quite there for him, most of the time with the women he was meeting.
Mark and I have been looking for His Girl for a couple of years now. He should be easy to match, right? Well…not really…because the women, even the most fabulous women, have been blowing it with him. Consistently.
Mark’s particularly sensitive to what he calls the Princess Factor — women who he describes as being presumptuous, who are showing up in his eyes to be takers, while the quality he’s most seeking in his future partner is what he calls “a spirit of generosity.”
He’s looking for a giver – someone who cares deeply about other people, and whose lifestyle reflects that. The type of woman whose credit card statements demonstrate a commitment to more than just her personal indulgences. Sure, there might be the occasional Prada or Saks purchase, but we might also find a contribution to NPR or to the animal shelter or to a breast cancer walk for a friend or the political campaign she favors. He describes her as the type of person who takes time to visit her Aunt Susie in the hospital or who would take her neighbor’s dog for a weekend. She’s first and foremost, at her inner core of her being — a giver.
Mark tells me that he has been looking under every stone here in Los Angeles for the type of woman who has the ability to really back up her man, to open her heart to his children, to be by his side and an integral part of his entrepreneurial ventures as well as their travel excursions. The type of woman who is passionately engaged in philanthropic projects that matter to her, and that move and inspire her; the type of woman whose activities and personal commitments make our world a better place. Someone who takes care of herself and who can also be self-less. He says it’s been tough to find, but he always seemed to remain optimistic and never fell into that place of negativity, hopelessness or despair that I see far too often.
He tells me that it’s been unexpectedly difficult to find a woman like this here in Los Angeles, especially one who also clicks with him physically, intellectually, philosophically and emotionally. And he’s really been looking too…
Interestingly, he shared with me that he sometimes feels like it’s almost a curse to be a tall, good looking, successful man. The women who are drawn to him, who have been hovering around him these past few years have typically been fantastic – most of them beautiful and wealthy – he says what comes with those two attributes is – the dreaded “Sense of Entitlement” — He says beautiful, wealthy women, in his experience tend to be the ones who expect to be treated a certain way by the men in her life…and he says this is his very biggest turn-off. He went on to say that if something is expected, it’s not fun or gratifying or meaningful for him to provide it, and he finds himself drifting away from this type of woman.
Mark has been open to meeting a variety of women – he’s really trusted me over the course of the time we’ve worked together. He’s stretched on issues like height, distance, kids preferences, religious preferences, education level, ethnicity, background, even body type and hairstyle preferences – he’s been a real sport, and it’s been so much fun for me to introduce him to a dozen or so of my most desirable, thoroughly together female clients.
He wrote to me this morning about how happy he is to have settled into his new relationship. She’s the thirteenth woman I introduced him to here at CupidsCoach.com Good thing he never gave up, huh? Finally the magic he’s been hoping to find seems to be present and unfolding so beautifully. They’ve been together for six weeks now.
This morning he wrote, “I am happily off the market. Please remind your clients to never give up, as “it” really does happen — meeting someone you feel like you were meant to be with. I think about all the dates I’ve been on these past two years, and what a needle in a haystack kind of search it’s been – and how exceedingly rare real chemistry is! You can be on a date with someone who is attractive and available and successful and smart and you like each other just fine, but there’s no magic, or chemistry — Recognition is a word I like — When you meet the right person at the right time, and it feels vaguely as if you were friends in a former life, and have no memory of it, but resuming the conversation is instant and effortless… I have another theory, too — that we spend too much time looking for a mirror image of ourselves, and not enough time looking for our compliment — someone who isn’t a mirror image, but just lowers your blood pressure… and makes you have a better day…”
I loved the way he said that. Hoping Mark’s story inspires you all to keep the faith, to keep giving to each other all along the way into the loving partnership that will surely be in your future. And let’s all take time to express our sincere thanks to all of the lovely people who have enriched our lives…
Giving…always circles back.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all!!
Julie Ferman
Cupid’s Coach
Over 1000 marriages and many more success stories
Cupid’s Coach – We would love to create your next experience.
Kendra’s MOM dating again?
Fabulous! Is it OK for my mom/dad to start dating again? We have received a flood of calls and emails after our Kendra episode aired from sons and daughters around the country asking if we could please help them get their single and scared parents out there dating and engaging in a relationship. So I thought I’d blog on the topic because I truly feel that dating doesn’t have an age limit. 
Now we can’t force our single moms and dads to date, but we can help them plenty by giving them some tools and insights. Our parent’s aren’t used to ONLINE DATING, now are they? Is Online Dating OK for seniors to do? Sure, especially if there’s a tech savvy son or daughter to help with the dating site sign-up process, writing those juicy essays, and navigating the website. Help Mom or Pop out by whipping out your digital camera on that next family gathering to get some really flattering face and body shots (solo shots, not group shots) and load them on the site. If finances are flowing well, check into the local matchmaking companies in your city to see who caters well to the boomer and senior demographic. Just be sure to check the company’s rating with the Better Business Bureau to make sure it’s a reputable firm that’s been in business for a while, and maybe even offer to join in on the interview at the agency so you can help make the decision about hiring the agency. We specialize in creating successful relationship at Cupids Coach. It’s my job every day to make sure that our clients are in a secure environment and feel good about getting back into the dating world. Sometimes our parents just need a little nudge and to feel safe and that’s what we love to do. If you can tell that Mom or Dad is lonely and isn’t engaged in life, see what kind of social networking or singles gatherings exist in your community, and if there aren’t any, you can even start a Meet-Up Group of your own. That oughtta keep ‘em busy! Or for some fantastic singles party ideas, that are GREAT for the grown-up set, email me here and we’ll send you the party plans. Julie@CupidsCoach.com Love is even sweeter when it happens for mature men and women. One of my favorite clients of all time just got married in December. He’s well into his eighties! They’re like kids all over again. So, to answer your question “is it OK for my mom/dad to start dating again?” The answer is “absolutely, positively, YES”, it’s wonderful, especially if you are a part of making that happen. Sign up today and let’s talk about how to create that for your parents, loved ones or for you. www.cupidscoach.com With much love, Julie Ferman, Cupid’s Coach Stay Connected: http://www.facebook.com/CupidsCoach http://cupidscoach.wordpress.com/ http://www.twitter.com/CupidsCoach Meet us by video: http://tinyurl.com/y9tlhr3 Julie Ferman, Cupid’s Coach Awarded “Best Matchmaker” by iDate & OPW, 2010
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Cupids Coach Julie Ferman advice for the week
My client, Marcy is concerned that the man she’s scheduled to meet this week is passionate about skiing, and typically heads to the mountains several times a year for quick getaways. She’d much rather escape to Cabo or Maui. She is very confused as she likes everything else about him. So she called me this morning and asked if she should cancel her date with him on Wednesday night.
Q: Julie, he’s a Skier, I’m a total beach girl. Wow, are we compatible?
Here’s what this personal matchmaker had to say about the issue:
A: “Marcy, don’t be too concerned that Russell has an activity passion that you don’t share. Not all of his travel excursions are ski trips. He just showed me photos from his recent excursion to Thailand and Singapore. You have a lot more in common that you might think; you both love exploring foreign cultures and getting off the beaten path when you travel. Absolutely go on this date. Surely you’ll discover activities that you can enjoy doing together on a typical weekend in LA or while away on vacation. Many adventures await.”
Let’s share, shall we!
I shared a cute example with Marcy that helped her put this issue in perspective. One of the couples we introduced through Cupid’s Coach had a similar situation – he’s a competitive water skier and she’s not a “boat person” and even gets sea sick on the boat dock. They’ve worked around it really well and enjoy being together most every weekend, often at the lake where he keeps his boat. She loves to cook and entertain, and she’s also a quilter. Surely a passion he doesn’t share. While he’s on the water, typically all day on Saturdays, she’s got something yummy cooking in the kitchen, listening to her favorite classical music (which he finds yawn worthy…) and she gets to work on her quilts, thoroughly enjoying the peace and quiet that his beautiful lake house provides for her. They love their romantic dinners there together and often entertain old and new friends on the deck overlooking the water at sunset. She commented to me in their holiday card this past year how surprised she was to have fallen in love with a boating enthusiast!!
I love to hear these creative solutions to what some might see as a barrier or a problem. We’re in a new age folks, wake up and smell the salt water. It’s time to keep thinking outside the box, look for ways to work around potential challenges. Remember, relationships are full of obstacles and opportunities to stretch, grow, adapt, and innovate. Practice these skills during every aspect of dating, especially early on in the initial courting phase.
My husband Gil is Venice all day today at a paddle tennis tournament, thank God, because I am enjoying my new puppy Biscuit who is nibbling at my feet, a fragrant candle is burning to my right, birdies are chirping outside, and a gorgeous breeze is floating in from the patio. I LOVE spending my morningsin this delicious way, all by myself with all one and a half million of you.
Later this afternoon I’ll head to my office to meet with clients and then I’ll enjoy the blessing that my Bikram Yoga practice is. By the way, Gil would rather have bamboo shoots up his nails than practice yoga. This evening, he and I will have a sweet evening walk and dinner together, as usual. I’m not sure we’d have survived twenty years of marriage if we were together ALL the time… 
I happen to love skiing, and yet have been unable to get away from my work to join him on the mountain trips these past few years. He takes our son Kevin with him and they love this time they spend alone together. There will be other ski trips for the two of us in the future. And maybe, just maybe I’ll get Gil to visit my family in Missouri again. And he just might be willing to give up a tennis tournament for a horseback trip with me one of these weekends. Marriage is full of opportunities to compromise.
What about you? How have you worked around activity interest conflicts?
I’d love to hear how you might have creatively dealt with this issue.
With much love,
Julie Ferman, Cupid’s Coach
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Julie Ferman, Cupid’s Coach Awarded “Best Matchmaker” by iDate & OPW, 2010