Author Archive
Is my MATCH living in another state? Maybe! These are fascinating, and very exciting times for personal matchmakers. Why? Because for matchmakers the world is shrinking every single day. Five years ago our Cupid’s Coach personal matchmaking clients were primarily all Los Angelinos, but these days I’ve had my traveling shoes on. Cupid’s Coach has two fabulous new clients in Utah, both successful and beautiful female business owners, and earlier this month we gathered recruiters and affiliates in San Diego to expedite our search for several clients there. I just returned from Vancouver B.C. where I met with a phenomenal new client who will be meeting stellar gentlemen in her favorite cities throughout Canada and the U.S. Oh, and our Wyoming client — He’s so scrumptious. We’re conducting a nationwide search to find his sweetie (If you’re an adorable 35-45 year old woman who’d love to be introduced to a real cowboy in the grand state of Wyoming, then by all means, get registered with us at we can refer you to him as a candidate. 
http://www.CupidsCoach.com. These past few weeks we’ve arranged first dates for our clients in Cincinnati, Orange County, La Quinta, Chicago, San Francisco, New York and Seattle. We’ve orchestrated magical dates for clients in London, Hawaii, Singapore, Toronto, and there’s one in the works at the moment for Sydney. Like I said, for professional matchmakers, the world is shrinking. The largest folder housed in my computer is my Affiliates Folder. Translated to non matchmaker terminology, that means Competitors. Yet I’m pleased to report that we don’t have any! – All of the other matchmakers and dating coaches whom I’ve been gathering and schmoozing for the past 20 years (the good ones mind you) these are my colleagues, not my competitors. We synergistic and help each other all the time. Because we’re all on the same mission, which is finding for our client the perfect match. Take my good friend and colleague Patti Stanger, founder of The Millionaires Club; Patti and I have been working side by side for ten years referring clients back and forth. Female clients are a rarity for Patti, whereas at Cupid’s Coach, serving women is our specialty. How is it all the matchmakers come together? That would be at the Matchmakers Conference coming up this October. I have had the privilege and honor of co-producing and emcee’ing the conference which is in its fourth year. It’s the one place on the planet where dating coaches and personal matchmakers gather to discuss and literally evolve the business and the art of matchmaking. If you’re in the dating or matchmaking industry or would like to be? Join us: http://www.matchmakersconference.com/conference/introduction/index.php So just in case you wonder if the ideal match for you might not be in your immediate stomping grounds, not to worry…we matchmakers have the world pretty well covered… Over 1000 marriages and many more success stories Cupid’s Coach – We would love to create your next experience. Sign up for our Newsletter /BLOGS
“Uhm, JULIE, are those dating shows on Reality TV real or fake?” “Is that cute guy Guile you’re setting up on “The Match Off” really single and available?”
It was amazing to me how many people inquired about my current upcoming TV appearance on “The Match Off”. “Are these men and women we’re seeing on reality TV actors, are they faking it all for the screen? Or are they The Real Deal?”
The Cupid’s Coach Team had so much fun filming our segment of NBC’S “The Match Off”. My hubby, Gil and I have done hundreds of dating and matchmaking related film and TV shoots for the nearly 20 years 
we’ve been in the luv biz, and our experience with NBC was fantastic. Five days of filming for a 30-minute show ought to give you an idea of the extensive work that goes into the production of a reality TV show. Not to mention the hours of office work, behind the scenes to find the talent.
Well, I can’t speak for all of the reality shows in production at the moment, but I can tell you the honest to goodness truth about how we did the casting for our segment of The Match Off. It was no easy feat.
When working with a TV show, we never have the lead time we want, so it’s always a mad scramble to pull together a great date for the single love seeker who’s being featured. Typically I have six months to a year to work with a particular matchmaking client, incorporating tons of dating coaching, ongoing feedback, recruiting activities, and a series of introductions — all enabling me to continually refine and tweak our strategy for the client. But when making magic happen for TV, matchmaking needs to be done much more quickly.
To lasso a great match for Guile? We had two days. Yowza! Fortunately, with over 17,000 single love seekers privately registered with Cupid’s Coach, we have a big advantage, and isolating a group of 100 or so young cuties, all adorable and in their 20’s wasn’t really a struggle. But finding one whom we felt he would be attracted to and interested in? Who might just go for him too? And then the real trick — finding one who fit all of our criteria AND who was willing to bring her love life into focus on national TV. Whoa baby, that’s when the potential candidate list takes a real hit. 9 out of 10 say “No way!”
Being the dating and coaching experts that we are, we braced ourselves and really focused on those we felt would fit the Guile bill. Many fell off our radar because of schedule conflicts, bunches of them lacked the “wow” factor when we met with them in person, and we just didn’t think bachelor Guile would “go” for them. Are you beginning to see why casting for these shows might just be a full time job? But we did it. We found a gorgeous, fun, athletic girl named Veronica. You’ll see her tonight on NBC’s “The Match Off”, 7:30 p.m. in LA, and then again after “Saturday Night Live” at 1 a.m. We loved the whole experience.
Over 1000 marriages and many more success stories
Cupid’s Coach – We would love to create your next experience.
Kendra’s MOM dating again?
Fabulous! Is it OK for my mom/dad to start dating again? We have received a flood of calls and emails after our Kendra episode aired from sons and daughters around the country asking if we could please help them get their single and scared parents out there dating and engaging in a relationship. So I thought I’d blog on the topic because I truly feel that dating doesn’t have an age limit. 
Now we can’t force our single moms and dads to date, but we can help them plenty by giving them some tools and insights. Our parent’s aren’t used to ONLINE DATING, now are they? Is Online Dating OK for seniors to do? Sure, especially if there’s a tech savvy son or daughter to help with the dating site sign-up process, writing those juicy essays, and navigating the website. Help Mom or Pop out by whipping out your digital camera on that next family gathering to get some really flattering face and body shots (solo shots, not group shots) and load them on the site. If finances are flowing well, check into the local matchmaking companies in your city to see who caters well to the boomer and senior demographic. Just be sure to check the company’s rating with the Better Business Bureau to make sure it’s a reputable firm that’s been in business for a while, and maybe even offer to join in on the interview at the agency so you can help make the decision about hiring the agency. We specialize in creating successful relationship at Cupids Coach. It’s my job every day to make sure that our clients are in a secure environment and feel good about getting back into the dating world. Sometimes our parents just need a little nudge and to feel safe and that’s what we love to do. If you can tell that Mom or Dad is lonely and isn’t engaged in life, see what kind of social networking or singles gatherings exist in your community, and if there aren’t any, you can even start a Meet-Up Group of your own. That oughtta keep ‘em busy! Or for some fantastic singles party ideas, that are GREAT for the grown-up set, email me here and we’ll send you the party plans. Julie@CupidsCoach.com Love is even sweeter when it happens for mature men and women. One of my favorite clients of all time just got married in December. He’s well into his eighties! They’re like kids all over again. So, to answer your question “is it OK for my mom/dad to start dating again?” The answer is “absolutely, positively, YES”, it’s wonderful, especially if you are a part of making that happen. Sign up today and let’s talk about how to create that for your parents, loved ones or for you. www.cupidscoach.com With much love, Julie Ferman, Cupid’s Coach Stay Connected: http://www.facebook.com/CupidsCoach http://cupidscoach.wordpress.com/ http://www.twitter.com/CupidsCoach Meet us by video: http://tinyurl.com/y9tlhr3 Julie Ferman, Cupid’s Coach Awarded “Best Matchmaker” by iDate & OPW, 2010
“Where is my soulmate?”
“Why can’t I find the right one?”
“Is my partner really out there?”
Register Now!
Cupids Coach Julie Ferman advice for the week
My client, Marcy is concerned that the man she’s scheduled to meet this week is passionate about skiing, and typically heads to the mountains several times a year for quick getaways. She’d much rather escape to Cabo or Maui. She is very confused as she likes everything else about him. So she called me this morning and asked if she should cancel her date with him on Wednesday night.
Q: Julie, he’s a Skier, I’m a total beach girl. Wow, are we compatible?
Here’s what this personal matchmaker had to say about the issue:
A: “Marcy, don’t be too concerned that Russell has an activity passion that you don’t share. Not all of his travel excursions are ski trips. He just showed me photos from his recent excursion to Thailand and Singapore. You have a lot more in common that you might think; you both love exploring foreign cultures and getting off the beaten path when you travel. Absolutely go on this date. Surely you’ll discover activities that you can enjoy doing together on a typical weekend in LA or while away on vacation. Many adventures await.”
Let’s share, shall we!
I shared a cute example with Marcy that helped her put this issue in perspective. One of the couples we introduced through Cupid’s Coach had a similar situation – he’s a competitive water skier and she’s not a “boat person” and even gets sea sick on the boat dock. They’ve worked around it really well and enjoy being together most every weekend, often at the lake where he keeps his boat. She loves to cook and entertain, and she’s also a quilter. Surely a passion he doesn’t share. While he’s on the water, typically all day on Saturdays, she’s got something yummy cooking in the kitchen, listening to her favorite classical music (which he finds yawn worthy…) and she gets to work on her quilts, thoroughly enjoying the peace and quiet that his beautiful lake house provides for her. They love their romantic dinners there together and often entertain old and new friends on the deck overlooking the water at sunset. She commented to me in their holiday card this past year how surprised she was to have fallen in love with a boating enthusiast!!
I love to hear these creative solutions to what some might see as a barrier or a problem. We’re in a new age folks, wake up and smell the salt water. It’s time to keep thinking outside the box, look for ways to work around potential challenges. Remember, relationships are full of obstacles and opportunities to stretch, grow, adapt, and innovate. Practice these skills during every aspect of dating, especially early on in the initial courting phase.
My husband Gil is Venice all day today at a paddle tennis tournament, thank God, because I am enjoying my new puppy Biscuit who is nibbling at my feet, a fragrant candle is burning to my right, birdies are chirping outside, and a gorgeous breeze is floating in from the patio. I LOVE spending my morningsin this delicious way, all by myself with all one and a half million of you.
Later this afternoon I’ll head to my office to meet with clients and then I’ll enjoy the blessing that my Bikram Yoga practice is. By the way, Gil would rather have bamboo shoots up his nails than practice yoga. This evening, he and I will have a sweet evening walk and dinner together, as usual. I’m not sure we’d have survived twenty years of marriage if we were together ALL the time… 
I happen to love skiing, and yet have been unable to get away from my work to join him on the mountain trips these past few years. He takes our son Kevin with him and they love this time they spend alone together. There will be other ski trips for the two of us in the future. And maybe, just maybe I’ll get Gil to visit my family in Missouri again. And he just might be willing to give up a tennis tournament for a horseback trip with me one of these weekends. Marriage is full of opportunities to compromise.
What about you? How have you worked around activity interest conflicts?
I’d love to hear how you might have creatively dealt with this issue.
With much love,
Julie Ferman, Cupid’s Coach
Stay Connected:
http://www.facebook.com/CupidsCoach
http://cupidscoach.wordpress.com/
http://www.twitter.com/CupidsCoach
Meet us by video: http://tinyurl.com/y9tlhr3
Julie Ferman, Cupid’s Coach Awarded “Best Matchmaker” by iDate & OPW, 2010
OK folks, it’s time for me to address my least favorite word. CHEAP. I don’t even like to use the word “hate” but…I’ve gotta tell ya, I have reached a point where I do really hate the word CHEAP. It puts the person who’s using the word in a really poor light, in an ugly light…and I think ugly behavior is far worse…
Cheap is a term that I find rarely used by men. In my world as a professional matchmaker and dating coach, I often see women dismissing a man far too quickly if she senses that he’s frugal – if he is in her estimation “tight” with money. What’s frugal? Anyone who’s not jazzed to spend money the way she wants him to.
Classic example: Upon leaving the restaurant on Date Number Two with John, a successful business consultant, Claudia was miffed that he didn’t offer to spring for her valet parking. She’s concluded that he is “cheap” and wrote to me this morning saying she’s decided not to see him again.
What? Now, I happen to know that this past week John has treated this woman, Claudia to a lovely lunch at the Bel Air Hotel and he picked up a hefty dinner bill last night in Brentwood, driving across town to meet in her on both occasions. Claudia is divorced, no kids, her earnings as a CPA are comparable to his, and she receives a sizable alimony check each month from her ex. What Claudia likely doesn’t know is that John’s covering the bill for two kids in college, he’s funding his mom’s nursing care, he pays alimony to his ex, and his salary has been cut during the economic downturn. John’s a guy who is sincerely seeking long-term relationship, and whereas plenty of single men these days limit their exposure by suggesting coffee dates, John regularly opts for lunch or dinner dates with the women who intrigue him, and he never grumbles about picking up the restaurant tab.
He didn’t pounce on her valet parking ticket? She should have grabbed his ticket and graciously welcomed the opportunity to share in the expense of their date. She should be looking for an opportunity to spring for theatre tickets or to bring a gorgeous picnic lunch to the beach for their next date.
You want generosity ladies? Demonstrate it. Bring him a sweet little gift, offer to put the wear and tear on your car vs. his, invite him over for a beautifully prepared meal or use your precious points for the airline tickets or the hotels on your first vacation together.
Jacqueline complained because Bruce ordered the least expensive bottle of wine on the menu. Jennifer was irritated that Brian suggested drinks and appetizers at the bar vs. a full out meal. Amanda quickly dismissed Stuart because he had commented about the price of entrees on the menu (she had suggested they dine at Maestros – he’d never been there, and didn’t realize he had signed up for a $200 dining adventure.) Suzanne was turned off because Glen used a 2 for 1 entrée coupon.
Ladies, this behavior is gross…I say, single women who are dating should either happily offer to spring for the bill on occasion, or they should casually offer cash or throw in a credit card to share the expense, or they should just zip their lip and express sincere appreciation for the investment that her suitor is making in getting to know her. Even if it’s a lousy cup of coffee at a deli.
Gil and I have been married for 20 years, and he is admittedly one of the “tighter” dudes on the planet. If it weren’t for Gil’s insistence that we be cautious (annoyingly cautious sometimes, I’ll confess) about our spending habits, we would surely have lost our house in the financial crisis, as so many other families have. As it is, we’re doing just fine, we have learned to share expenses in partnership, and we’re building our future together. We actually have fun looking for money stretching opportunities. Is clipping coupons sexy? Well, sure – if you consider mutual support and sharing to be sexy, and I do.
Here’s what I’ve learned works really well. Just plan on the likelihood that you and the man you’re dating will have differences in how you deal with money. An expenditure that seems reasonable or important to you might be a frivolity or an indulgence to him. How to get around it? Make deals about who pays for what, be flexible, practice generosity, and above all…resist the temptation to “peg” a man as being cheap if his spending habits and preferences are different than yours
My sister’s coming into town for a visit next month. Having the carpets and the windows cleaned — I just know this is really low on Gil’s list of things to fund. And it’s important to me, so I’ll take care of it. No fanfare, no arguments, just something I’ll quietly cover, because it’s important to me.
My Client Travis is a very successful real estate investor who lives in a lovely home in Malibu. He likes his creature comforts, drives a serious sports car, always dresses well – he’s the picture of Mr. Desirable, and he’s especially sensitive to the Gold Digger factor. He shared with me his red flag – if he’s five or six dates into a new relationship with a woman he’s dating and she’s never demonstrated an inkling of generosity herself, well…he’s outta there. The woman he’s dating now handled things just right. She’s invited him to her country club for a round of golf and dinner afterwards, she treated him to the Hollywood Bowl – he knows she’s seeing him for him, not for the goodies he can provide for her.
Take the word CHEAP and discard it from your vocabulary. The millionaire next door might have gotten there by holding onto his cash…
Lots of emails and coaching calls this week with clients struggling with a common dating hurdle — The Distance Issue.
Jerri is a gorgeous CPA in Newport Beach, at the top of her game in every regard, and she’s hesitating about meeting her new Suitor, a studly, successful, and also super selective CEO in Sherman Oaks, as she’d much prefer to fall in love with a local Orange County man (she’s declined invitations from plenty of her closer-by suitors for other reasons — height, hair, education level, or simply a lack of attraction on her part) I say…well…in the absense of the ideal local suitor, absolutely, give Mr. Hour Away a shot. Meet half-way and see if there’s enough magnetism to merit a second date.
Case in point: Jim and Laura are both Cupid’s Coach Clients, actively engaged in the dating process, both sincerely seeking life long love. Jim’s search was interrupted mid-stream as he was called to Louisiana for an extended work project. Yet there were so many reasons why I wanted him to meet Laura, who lives near his California home in Ventura County. They both wondered if the distance would be an issue, but they both said Yes to meeting. Jim and Laura had such a powerful connection on their first date (Jim planned a visit back home just to meet her) that they nurtured and developed a gorgeous love connection via emails, texts, phone calls, and Skype dates. The two of them are beaming with enthusiasm over the news they shared with me this week — she’s moving to Louisiana to be with him and is interviewing with prospective employers in his local community at this very moment.
Another of our clients who also had a strong preference for dating a local man, has been in a magical relationship with a magnificent university professor with whom she connected on a business trip in Milwaukee. Yep, a California/Wisconsin love affair. Both of them have grown kiddos and they spend many a weekend on creative rendezvous adventures in cities and vacation destinations they’ve always wanted to explore. They’ve commented on how lovely it’s been to develop relationship the “old fashioned way” through juicy love letters and daring question/answer e-mail probes, which have served for them as heart openers, reportedly.
What these two enormously happy couples have demonstrated is the power of flexibility and outside the 20-mile perimeter thinking. I say, in the absense of the ideal candidate living next-door, absoulutely, stretch your boundaries, and see what kind of possibilities present themselves.
Lots of folks this week getting anxious and impatient in waiting for contact or call backs from their prospects. Enlightening insights here:
http://cupidscoach.wordpress.com/2009/11/21/dating-means-waiting/
Suzanne is one of my all time favorite personal matchmaking clients, currently topping the success charts here at Cupid’s Coach. At the some-would-say-challenging age of 58, Suzanne is receiving consistently favorable post-date evaluations and she received three invitations for Valentine’s Day last month – count them, three! That’s what I call an admirable situation.
I called Suzanne this morning to pry out her secret for having such a positive dating experience, and she said she’d reveal her strategy, but only if I promised to share it with you, so here’s the share…
Suzanne’s Success Strategy, which she says works 100% of the time. – She claims it’s her mission to Make His Day. When she’s leaving a voice mail message, replying to an email, or in person on the date, she looks for ways to brighten his world and enrich his life. She said, “In other words, ask not what he can do for me or be for me, but rather…what can I be for him? What can I do for him that will Make His Day?”
“Dating” says Suzanne, “is a great opportunity to practice flexibility” as she knows it’s a skill that will serve her well once in relationship. The man she said Yes to for Valentine’s Day was Peter – he raved to me in one of his post date evaluations about how she’s always happy to drive to his neighborhood or to meet him half-way, rather than always expecting him to schlepp to her. He commented also about how refreshing it is to be with a woman who’s game for anything — the upscale restaurant they had in mind for their first date was packed, and they ended up at the deli over soup and an ice cream sundae. He was worried that she’d be disappointed, but she was happy, which made him happy. In fact, her ability to roll with the punches literally made his day.
Peter and Suzanne are seeing each other exclusively now, and I just picked up the most lovely Thank You card from him in the mail. Suzanne is doing lots right, and I’m glad to have this chance to share her success strategies with all of you.
My Client, Diana asked me today if each of the 1144 women I’ve married off is partnered with a “taller” man. Here’s my response. If you’ve been wrestling with the Height Issue, or if you’ve been operating in a hard and fast way about it…I’d say…take another look.
Hubby Gil and I have been bringing couples together since 1990, and we’ve seen lots and lots of happy pairings with people who have bent or stretched on their height preferences and in doing so…took home the prize.
This is the very reason why I push on The Height Issue — because I’ve seen so many couples surmount the obstacle. In Diana’s case, she’s 5′8 and she’s been frustrated that the 5′10 and 5′11 men whom we’ve introduced to her thus far just don’t seem tall enough or big enough for her preferences. She wants to “feel” feminine and protected by her guy, and she experiences that much moreso when she’s with a man who’s at least a six footer. Also she likes to wear heels, as many women do, and while I fully respect and understand and support her preferences, I don’t like to turn away her suitor who’s interested, attracted, jazzed to meet her, and who meets all of her other critical criteria, short of…um…an inch or two.
The average height of an American male is 5′9. And it’s a common preference for women of all shapes and sizes to want her partner to be a tall man. I’m currently working proactively for a woman who’s 5′4 and another who’s a tiny 5′1 and they both tell me they much prefer a man who’s 6′ or taller. So…as you might imagine, the super tall men are more “in demand” and typically have lots more women available to them from which to choose. It’s harder to find these tall men, and it’s also harder sometimes to get them to commit to one woman, as they’ve got so many options. Truly… Same goes for the men who are super successful — it’s just a matter of “romantic market value” unfortunately.
So I feel it’s my duty and responsibility while my client is here with me to help her learn about the benefits of stretching on secondary, less critical criteria. It’s always OK with me if the client chooses not to bend or stretch, as long as he or she knows that we’re doing our part to provide the most fitting introductions we’re capable of lining up, and also as long as our client is willing to engage with us in these coaching discussions, making an effort to really explore the issues and meet us half-way in giving those who are interested and attracted a real shot.
Here’s Candi’s story. She’s a LOT like Diana. Candi and I were classmates in high school and later, in her 30’s, she became my matchmaking client in St. Louis. She’s 5′10, and was a size 8-10 — in good shape, but definitely a bigger girl. At the time when she signed on with me, Candi was insistent that her guy be at least 6′0 and a big man, clearly someone who’d “outweigh” her. Oh, and she also refused to date a guy who was balding or who had facial hair of any kind. These criteria all on top of her other requirements that he be well educated, successful, fun, and funny, and on go for marriage and having kids. Candi’s a nice looking girl, who always had a lot going for her, but she’s admittedly never been a Penelope Cruz or Cameron Diaz. It was a tough six months Candi and I spent searching together, with lots of extra coaching sessions and emails, and there were times when I thought she’d just walk away, thinking we just didn’t “get it” about who she is and the type of person she wanted to be with. But…we were childhood friends, so she hung in there with me, giving me and my (sometimes annoying) coaching and guidance the benefit of the doubt.
Midstream Candi’s company transferred to Washington D.C. and was thrown into a new office where she worked with a consultant named Bruce on an all-consuming project. They worked late nights together for months, and in the process, they got really comfortable with each other. Whereas initially she didn’t think twice about Bruce as a romantic contender, they eased into a wonderful friendship, and then…one day…on yet another late night work session, their eyes locked in a way they hadn’t ever before.
I just read this month in our school Class Notes update that Bruce and Candi have been married for 15 years now, they’ve got two kids together and she’s a loving step-mom to his daughter from his prior marriage. They’re both political analysts and have what they call a “dream life” in Virginia together with their 3 kids, their dogs, and their co-mingled work projects. Bruce is what she calls “5′10 on a tall day” and after having lost most of his hair, he now shaves it all off and she loves the look. She even reports kinda liking the goatee he tends to sport in the wintertime for ski season.
It’s stories like Candi’s that cause me to err on the side of being the pushy matchmaker, as I don’t want to see my client being the girl on the sidelines years later, wondering where all of the “good” men are. I’ve got files and files full of women who will only date the tall guy, and so, so, so many of them are still single, years later.
So, if I’m just a tad bit annoying about this particular topic, this is why. I want each and every person who’s seeking loving relationship to have every opportunity to create it as a reality. When evaluating your romantic prospects, just keep focusing on the three of four qualities or characteristics that truly matter to you personally, and if these critical elements do exist in your current prospect…well then by all means, spend some time together and see what you think, see how you feel.
I’d love to hear from some of you who’ve also experienced love working quite nicely with someone who seemed “off type” for you initially. Email me your stories. I”m all ears.