Archive for September, 2012
Gil and I are celebrating twenty-two years of marriage this Labor Day weekend.
One of the ways we keep our marriage fresh and alive is by flirting. All the time.
Do married women get to flirt? Well this one does…
I flirt with men all the time. And my husband not only permits it, he actually encouarges it. It’s fun and then of course, it’s good for business. Sometimes we go to the Pre-Dating speed dating events together, as we love to sponsor their singles events. Gil gets to meet the women and I get to meet the men — we’re always recruiting, finding stellar candidates for our personal matchmaking Clients. Gil actually might just be a better flirt than even I am, if that’s possible. We’ve been flirting and schmoozing and gathering relationship oriented single people for oh….about 22 years now.
Gil and I were two single people who weren’t loving the dating scene, and thus re-invented it proactively for ourselves. Gil found himself at the not-so-tender age of 44, wondering what happened, and decided to “get a life, get a wife” and in signing up with a dating agency, he ended up going just that. I had no idea how badly I was doing dating, except that my results were giving me a hint (more like a shout) that my approach could use some tweaking.
In case you don’t know the story, Gil owned a couple of dating agency franchises and he’s the one who sold me my membership at his very own agency back in 1990 in St. Louis. I later flirted with him, asked him out and dragged him down the aisle before it had really sunk in for me that women weren’t supposed to do it that way. But nevertheless, 22 years and a couple of gorgeous nearly grown boys later, we are in many ways happier together today than we’ve ever been.
Some secrets I’ve learned along the way:
(hint: if you practice these strategies while you’re single and dating, you’re much more likely to find your way into a loving relationship.)
Zip it. Speak up selectively, when it really matters. Let the little stuff go.
Practice appreciation. Notice what’s beautiful, special, sweet, moving, and speak up about those things.
Say Thank You. And often. It’s bigger than just being polite. Gratitude is an art well worth exploring and developing, as the act of being thankful actually raises consciousness for both people.
Know that happiness is an inside job, that it’s not nearly as much a function of our circumstances as we think it is.
Turn toward each other. When life is hard, and it is often, for each one of us, find ways to ask for the love we need from those who are closest. Gil and I are learning to keep our hearts open even when it hurts, especially when it hurts.
Love is a verb. It’s true. Love is not something that is handed to us, it’s something we create together, moment by moment.
Let us know: You know some couples who are really good together, after decades. What do you admire about their relationship? Email your stories and comments: Info@CupidsCoach.com. Each of the matchmakers and dating coaches at Cupid’s Coach is passionate about not only helping relationship-oriented single people find each other and connect with each other, but we love to see couples stay together for the long haul. Let us know what the happily together couples in your life are doing to keep their love fresh and alive. What’s keeping your love flame ignited? We’d love to know.
The dilemma: You’ve just started dating each other, the chemistry between the two of you is firey hot, and you’re wondering…at what point is it OK to let the clothes fly?
To protect your heart, to preserve your precious time, to avoid the traps, and to stack the deck in your favor, follow these guidelines:
Keep Your Pants On…until these elements are in place.
1. You’re not dating anyone else, and neither is he.
2. You are both in alignment about why you’re dating – your end-goals line up. If you’re sincerely seeking marriage and kids, then simply do not move into the sexual arena with anyone whose purpose in dating doesn’t match your own. If you’ve not yet had that conversation and you don’t know the other person’s longer term plan…keep your pants on a little while longer. The guy who is sincerely seeking life-long love will wait for it, and just like our moms and dads told us, they expect to wait for it. If we give it up too easily or too early, they’ll likely lose respect and they’ll wonder how many other men have gotten there first. Really…
3. You’ve had the touchy and oh-so-critical conversations about birth control and safe sex / STD’s. Have you been tested since your last sexual relationship? Has he? It may seem unromantic, but here’s how one of our recent success story couples http://www.CupidsCoach.com handled it. Once things started heating up and they became exclusive Steven and Margaret went into the clinic together to get tested, and then when their tests came back clean (WHEW!), they celebrated with a fanatastic bed and breakfast weekend that was off the charts romantic and joyous.
Remember high school? We had lots of fun with our pants on, didn’t we? Sex is actually MUCH more satisfying when we’ve waited a while for it, and it’s more along the lines of love making than cheap, casual sex. It’s worth the wait.
In twenty years of being a matchmaker, I’ve never gotten a call from a woman on a Monday morning saying “Darn….I wish I’d slept with that guy!” It’s the other Monday morning call that tears my heart out, when she says “What was I thinking?”
One Drink Only, ladies. There’s a one word answer for why alcohol was put on the planet. Procreation. We’re compelled by our biology to want to have sex. Be smarter than your biology and keep your pants on until you KNOW you’re with the right guy.